Switchers: The Road Goes Ever On
by ILoanADogma
Summary: Two teens are thrust into middle earth, forced to be someone they're not, again. Illicit spanking games ensue. (Though not 'til later chapters) ;-)
1. Default Chapter

*Remember, this is a SEQUEL, as in PART TWO, of Switchers. It's highly recommeded that you read the first one first, or at least skim it, because it would probably make life much easier.*  
  
The rampaging creative demons in my mind have struck yet again. I've decided to write a sequel to 'Switchers'! *Collective gasp from the crowd.* Yes, I know. I've consulted with the real life Sarah, and we had an idea to make this a series even. Anywho, in this one (which I must admit is kind of short) our favorite dynamic duo gets zapped to Middle Earth. *Here all readers smack their hands to their foreheads in mock surprise.* Yeah, like you couldn't see this one coming. Moving on, please review, makes less work for me. All flames will be put in a little jar and given to Legolas as a nightlight, and finally, as always, Enjoy.  
  
"Why are we here again?" Tom asked, looking around. His partner, Sarah, didn't answer, but merely skimmed the rows of comedies once again, running her finger down the spines of the tapes.  
  
"Again I ask, WHY are we HERE?"  
  
Sarah glanced up from the Adam Sandler collection and glared at Tom with irritated eyes.  
  
"I want a comedy. I WILL have my comedy, and I won't let little 'misfortunes' from the past ruin it."  
  
"Misfortunes, right. You call getting transported to an alternate universe and almost being hung by a group of hormally driven homicidal teenagers MISFORTUNATE?" Truth be told, Tom was getting slightly hysterical.  
  
"Oh come on, don't be such a baby. Besides, the food was good at least."  
  
Just then, it started to rain.  
  
"Sarah. SARAH! IT'S RAINING!"  
  
"Correct Thomas. It is raining." Sarah pulled him over. "Look, I know you're still freaked out about last time, but that was a one in a billionth shot. It's probably NEVER going to happen again. It WILL never happen again."  
  
"Doubt that." Tom muttered, fingering a Snickers.  
  
"Come on, I got what I wanted, let's go." Sarah and Tom walked to the counter, and paid for the videos. (And Tom's Snickers) They then moved towards the door.  
  
"See? I told you nothing was going to happen."  
  
(A/N: Hehe)  
  
ZAAAAAPPPP!  
  
"AH! Lightning!" Cried Tom, holding up the Lord of the Rings dvd in a desperate attempt to save himself.  
  
"NO SHIT SHERLOCK!" Sarah screamed, and both of them felt the famliar feeling of well, getting zapped with a couple thousand bolts. And blacking out, yeah, they blacked out too. Ook.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * **  
  
Awaking in a foreign place wasn't something that was fun for Thomas. He awoke to the sound of birds singing, and a fly. One that was buzzing in his face. Irritated, he swiped half-heartedly at it, and was surprised when he saw he caught it in his fist. He caught a glimpse of his hand. Except it wasn't his hand. Cue collective gasp. He looked at his arm and saw he was wearing a green tunic. Further inspection revealed a bow and arrow in his right arm and a quiver or arrows on his back. Everything about him was different, except his hair, which was still short. (And not long, as in the way of elves, think for a minute people.)  
  
"Oh crap....." Tom cried. (A/N: At this point in the story a normal person would feel sorry for our one hero. Hehe. Nope. On with the insanity!)  
  
Tom began to walk through the woods, totally lost. And that was not the only thing that was bothering him. The last time he was transported, nothing about him had changed. He even had the same clothes on. Now he was completely different! Well, he had the same hair......  
  
Mind racing, he ran his hand through that hair, and brushed his ear. Which was now pointed.  
  
"Oh great, now I'm some nancy pretty boy!" He wailed to the treetops. Hopefully Sarah had fared better.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sarah, indeed, had fared better. She found herself lying facedown on a huge canopy bed, in some huge palace place or other thing. She sat up, and looked around. Yay! Another vacation! She ponced off the bed, the feat made difficult by the fact that she was now wearing a full length dress. She examined it. It was of heavy silk, deep violet, with stiched and embroidered leaves and flowers running down the side, only visible when the light hit it a certain way.  
  
"Cool." Sarah exclaimed.  
  
Also, she noticed that her hair was now black, sleek and shiny and ran down past her waist. It was twisted into many different complicated braids and patterns. Hardly daring to confirm what her mind thought, she touched a finger to her ear.  
  
"YES! I'm AN ELF!"  
  
With that she skipped out of the room and down the hall, eager to find Thomas. She found him alright, dirty and struggling out of the edge of the woods. Sarah had run like a squirrel on a crack high trying to find him, and now that she did, was even more bouncy.  
  
"Thomas Thomas! Lookie! I'm AN ELF!!!" She squealed as she helped Tom out.  
  
"Yeah, I noticed."  
  
"Hey. You're Legolas. No fair."  
  
"Trust me, it wasn't my choice."  
  
"So......now what?"  
  
"Well, I s'pose we wait around and try to blend in until the next lightning storm?"  
  
"This is middle earth, and we're in an elven town. It won't storm."  
  
"Battles. There's lightning at battles."  
  
"Later Thomas."  
  
Further conversation was interupted by the arrival of another elf.  
  
"Princess Arwen, Prince Legolas, the counsel requests you're presence....." The elf took one look at Tom's head and burst out laughing.  
  
"Of course." Sarah responded smoothly, attempting to ignore the snorting elf. As they made their way along the palace following the elf, Tom cocked an eyebrow. Council? He mouthed. Sarah smirked, something that came to her much easier now that she was an elf. "You know, the council of Elrond."  
  
"Great."  
  
Tom started as the elf guided Sarah to a room on the right.  
  
"Aren't you coming?" He asked.  
  
The guide elf looked agitated at this question and said evenly;  
  
"The Princess Arwen is not to attend, Lord Elrond's orders."  
  
Tom leaned close into Sarah.  
  
"What am I going to do?"  
  
"Just remember to play your part in the council, and most importantly, DON'T FORGET to offer your bow to the aid of Frodo! DO NOT forget that."  
  
"Ok......" Tom said nervously. He turned to leave. "But wait," He said. "Why can't you come?"  
  
Sarah rolled her eyes.  
  
"You know why. *(1) Elrond stole my tiara for the council and doesn't want me to know."  
  
"Ah, of couse."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"........Strangers from distant lands. We have been brought here today to decide the future of middle Earth. Frodo, bring forth the ring."  
  
Tom watched nervously as a short hairy footed man stumbled forward and placed a gold ring on a stone pedestal. So THAT was Frodo....... Now, what did Sarah say? Something about Frodo........dah, goddamnit. Tom pulled himself back into the council.  
  
"The Rrrrring must destroyed!" Cried an equally hairy man, trilling his r's in a most irritating fashion.  
  
Cue the v. unelfish scuffle.  
  
Then suddenly, the elf brain totally kicked in and overtook Tom.  
  
"Have you heard nothing of what Lord Elrond has said? The Ring MUST BE DESTROYED!" Tom yelled. He tried to obtain control, but there was a presence at the back of his mind, one that felt smug and satisfied at this proclamation. This is an important mission, the voice said. Gold ring sooo tacky. Tom shook his head, trying to rid himself of this alter ego. His conscience cleared.  
  
"I will take the ring! Though I do not know the way!" The tiny man squeaked.  
  
"I will help you bear this burden." An old hairy man exclaimed. God, was everyone in this movie hairy?  
  
There was then a silence, a silence that drove Tom to believe he was supposed to be doing something. WHAT was it Sarah had said? Oh yeah, to offer his bow to short squeaky man.  
  
"Uh.......would you like my bow?"  
  
The short, heavily armed man from before jumped in immediately, not wanting to be outdone.  
  
"HERE! Have my axe!"  
  
Then a man jumped, panicked that so many suitors had beaten him to his true love.  
  
"MY SWORD! TAKE MY SWORD!"  
  
Lord Elrond looked quite taken aback by this.  
  
"Boys, boys, there's only one way to deal with competition. Put you all together in a tiny, enclosed space and give you handguns."  
  
Another elf spoke up.  
  
"Or make them swear to protect each other."  
  
"Ah yes, that seems much more effective and amusing overrall. You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring. You are dismissed. Go. Shoo."  
  
(TBC)  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Footnote, singular.  
  
*(1) In the very secret diaries of Elrond, a slash comedy series written by Cassie Claire, Elrond confides in his diary that the reason for not letting Arwen attend the council was because he had stolen her tiara and was using it for the council. Go to google.com, type in "Very Secret Diaries", and read away. They're hilarious. 


	2. boxers or briefs? BRIEFS

"So, how'd it go?" Sarah asked, barely able to contain her eagerness.  
  
"Er..they're making me go on some quest thing."  
  
Sarah furrowed her brow in thought.  
  
"Hmm, this will be difficult.." She murmured. Tom grabbed her by the shoulders.  
  
"WHAT will be difficult?"  
  
Sarah shrugged, like it didn't concern her greatly.  
  
"Nothing really, just that if you leave on your quest before the lightning hits, well,.."  
  
"What? WHAT?"  
  
"We'll be seperated and you might be beheaded by some silly Orc or other."  
  
Tom's eyes bugged out. They frantically rolled around to take in one last glance of Lady Arwen's private quarters before Tom promptly fainted. Sarah gave a small tut and a sigh, heaving Tom up onto the bed. She stared at him a moment, before blowing a strand of elvin hair out of her face.  
  
"Really, it's nothing to fall to pieces over.."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * *  
  
Meanwhile, Aragorn son of Arathorn had a plan. He had been shocked and dismayed at the council; so many had beaten him to proclaim their love to the ringbearer! Sure, he was in love with Arwen, but on the way to Imladris things had well, changed. He found himself being more and more possessive about Frodo when Ringwraiths were about, especially when that stupid wraith had tried to grab a feel with HIS hobbit! Served him right, being set on fire like that.  
  
Anywho, the "plan" was very direct and straightforward, and was devised using the "K.I.S.S. method. 'Keep It Simple Stupid'. Riding on this theory, the fabeled King of Gondor decided to one by one pick off the other suitors along the journey. I mean, there were soo many Orcs, wasn't it a shame there was no one there to save Boromir? Eventually, Aragorn planned to single-handedly pick off the most threatening and downward. Starting with Boromir, then Legolas, Gimli, and the other offending hobbits. Dunno though, might keep them around as pets.  
  
Further scheming was ripped from his mind however when that stupid messenger elf barged into his room. Erestor, wasn't it? Anywho..  
  
"Estel, Lord Elrond wishes to inquire as to why you were absent at dinner this evening, and whether or not you were too busy screwing around with his daughter to remember your appointment with HIM."  
  
Aragorn stared.  
  
"I'm KIDDING, I'm kidding..Man you mortals can't take a joke.."  
  
Cue embarrassed silence.  
  
"Uh...yeah. Lord Elrond wants you up in his place, pronto."  
  
With that he turned and left.  
  
Aragorn growled and slammed his fist on the wall.  
  
"GODDAMMIT!" He yelled. Why couldn't that bastard leave him alone? It wasn't enough that his adoptive father was GAY, but must he try and release his 'urges' on him? Really, had Elrond ever heard of 'subtle', or 'seduction' for that matter? But, being the Kingy King that he was, Aragorn shrugged his shoulders, more flattered than anything. He rumaged through the underwear drawer, pausing when he reached a pair of boxers that read 'Kiss me! I'm Elvish!' on them.  
  
"What the hell? These are Legolas's.." Suddenly Aragorn remembered that certain evening. "Oh." He continued to rumage until he located the red briefs. Satin, and snug. He began to change when..  
  
"Heeey Aragorn! What's..AHHHHHHHH!AHHH!AH!OH! OH MY, THAT SHOULDN'T LOOK LIKE THAT!!!!"  
  
Hobbit #2 (as we know him Pip) had wandered into Aragorn's room, wanting to know when the quest thing was going to start. He ended up finding out much more..  
  
(TBC)  
  
A/N: Ook, this is definitely not one of my better fics, mostly because I'm typing, just typing like a.*smack* Sry, personal problems. Anywho, I have no real plot idea for this, suggestions are welcome and will be welcomed with open arms. Please please review, then at least I know there are other humans out there. Some personal humor in this chap, not much though. Will continue. 


End file.
